What's all this about Byrd Flu?

Techniguy - 11-05-2005

I'm sure we all have recognized that something has been wrong with Senator Byrd for some time now, but who would have ever suspected that a flu virus was responsible? This must be an unusual strain of flu because it seems to display non of the usual flu symptoms, but has a profound effect on the brain. We probably all assumed that Sen. Byrd's slurred and incoherent babblings on the Senate floor were simply a result of drinking lunch with Ted Kennedy but now we're learning that this may not be the case.

Public officials are not telling us the truth about the contagious nature of this strain of flu. They continue to say it is only contagious among the Byrd family but it would seem that it has been spreading throughout much of the Senate over the past few years. Robert Byrd has been known for a long time as being the leader in pork barrel spending, but all you have to do is look at the current 2006 budget being developed, as well as previous years budgets, to know that this virus has infected most of the members of the Senate and the House. Even the President seems to have contracted the virus and has been carrying it almost since he was elected.

Now we have even more evidence that not only Congress, but the Whitehouse as well, has been infected by this virus. President Bush announced this week that he wants to commit $7,000,000,000.00 (that's 7 billion dollars) to prevent the spread of this virus beyond Washington. It seems to me that he could just raise taxes to accomplish the same thing, then no one but the government would have any money to spend. The real problem with the President's plan is that is includes the stockpiling of enough doses of Byrd flu vaccine to inoculate every citizen of the country against the wrong virus. The current strain of Byrd flu virus effects only Washington politicians and is not contagious in normal humans. It can only be contracted by citizens if they come in direct contact with a politician. In order for the virus to become contagious in normal citizens it will have to mutate into another strain but no vaccine can be developed for that strain as it doesn't yet exist, therefore the vaccine they develop will be useless against it and another waste of taxpayers’ money. Wouldn't it make more sense to develop just enough doses to inoculate Washington politicians and people who come in contact with them and stop the virus before it spreads to average citizens?

It is being reported that this Byrd flu virus has been around for three years now and has so far not spread into the human populous. I agree that it has not spread beyond Washington but also believe it has been around for more like 5 years rather than 3. Only 47 people have died as a result of contracting the flu by coming in direct contact with infected politicians, yet this is being sold as a possible "pandemic"? There is one redeeming aspect of the President's plan however. That is to update the methods of producing vaccines to a faster, more modern, and high tech method. Replacing the old method of using chicken eggs to grow vaccine cultures with high tech cell cultures would create in one month what the old method takes 6 months to create. This improvement in vaccine technology would be worth spending federal money on, but if they're telling us that $7 billion should be spent to stockpile a vaccine that targets the wrong strain of virus, then this plan seems to be more a result of the effects of the Byrd flu than prudent governmental spending, unless they plan to dramatically increase the size of Congress.

The real answer to this virus may be to retire all politicians who have been infected with this nasty virus and replace them with healthy and responsible representatives of the people who would be immune to the Byrd flu with common sense and a course in “Economics 101”.


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